Do you remember the circus?

Do you remember going to the circus and seeing the magicians, the acrobats, the jugglers...I even got a plate spinning set for a Christmas present one year. I was so excited, but I used to get so frustrated with it, failing time after time. In the end, I remember I only used three plates, but I could do it!

Well, long since then I have spent 20 years supporting parents, watching what makes them tick and what their expectations are, and helping them be the best plate spinner they can be!

On days where you feel like you are dropping all of the plates, remember this, you are amazing.

I know that you do not feel it at times, but it is true. Let's look at some of the facts: 

  • You grew a tiny human inside of you

  • You gave birth to that tiny human

  • You put everyone's needs ahead of yours, 

  • You rarely complain and still run your household

  • You smile through all of the advice you DON’T want from family and friends

  • You listen when people compare their stories when all you want is peace

  • You have not slept in months, 

  • You eat cold dinners and drink cold tea/coffee

  • You get up every day and try and make the best for your little human that YOU created. 

You are a plate spinner and my goodness that takes skill. Whether you have three plates or thirty plates. Give yourselves some credit!

Why do you do this? Because you have that mothers instinct, you want to be the best you can for your tiny human. You want to be a happy mum, one that goes to all the classes and cooks everything fresh and has every plate spinning perfectly. 

More truth.

The plates drop. Not because you cant handle them, but Because you CAN handle them. Other people in your life then naturally give you a plate or two from their pile to handle, A) because you do it well, but B) because when was the last time you said no? And before you know it, you have all of the plates, and logic would say, something will drop.

My advice, Do not let it be you. 

Here is my best response yet from a parent, “the hoover is in the cupboard if you want it?”. Let me explain, I had a mum, about a year ago, new baby, high powered job, the cleaner was in once a week with the gardener and she could handle any plate she was asked to spin. But then the teething started, the sleepless nights. The demands for feeding, the demands for attending parties, classes etc. We had a home consultation about the lack of sleep, she was doing everything right and that worked for her family. 

But do you know what plate was dropping, her own self esteem. This stemmed from the house wasn’t tidy ‘enough’ and one day they had some visitors come round. Naturally cut backs had been made to accommodate maternity leave pay, and this included the cleaner and gardener reducing hours. She felt like she failed, then it escalated in her mind she was letting her child down, her husband, herself and as a whole, her family.

I picked this apart, we spoke for a while in a home consultation, she started to explain what was wrong and then it came, the tears, the fear, the release she had needed to let it all go. 

I helped this tired mamma get her confidence back, we worked on what mattered to her and how she wanted to parent. I found out who she was and who she wanted to be? That’s what I do, I work to make it the best it can be for you and your family. No-one else. I help you decide which plates to keep spinning, and which ones are ok to set to the side for now.

This mum then messaged me a week later and she had been in the same situation, family were coming round to the house this time, and things were not immaculate as they always had been. The side eye glances were picked up on, and previously mum would have apologised, scurried off and cleaned. This time, she politely explained “I have not slept in days, trying to survive on coffee and if you want to HELP, then the hoover is in the cupboard if you want it.” I was so proud, not just because she was polite about it, but she chose which plate to spin, and that day it was her own plate!

Some advice I heard lately. Find the authentic you. Spin the plates, but spin the ones you want to spin and make them spin in time with you. 

Even though you are a mum and this tiny human is reliant on you, the rest of the world doesn’t have to be. Ask for help, and to be honest, when one mum is struggling, secretly everyone is, but it is nothing to be ashamed of if you want to ask for help or just for someone to listen to you. 

Please cut yourself some slack. It really is ok to put some plates down for a while. Plus then you can decide if you ever actually need to pick them back up again. 

Be Authentic to yourself. 

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